You will rarely see me comment on a military topic. It’s something I know little about. However, sometimes the news reporting on, or PR spin of, a military issue makes it too tempting.

Case in point. China is getting ready for the 60th anniversary extravaganza this year, and I guess military parades are being ramped up. We get to celebrate the founding of the PRC every October 1, but since 60 is a nice round number, an extra special party is in order this year.

This will no doubt pale in comparison to the 50th party, which was a great deal of fun. I was in Beijing at the time, and for a week major streets were closed in the evening for parade practice. I remember that when I finished work and left the office (on Jianguomenwai) that week, on a couple of occasions I saw tanks rolling by on their way West. Lots of fun, particularly since the road closures meant that I had to walk all the way home on those days.

Anyway, this Guardian headline about a recent naval display is the one that caught my attention:

China Unveils Fleet of Submarines in Bid to Build Global Trust

At first glance, this seems a bit odd. Now, I’m neither an expert on military matters or on global trustworthiness, so I can’t speak with authority regarding what will/will not build global trust.

However, it seems to me that building a fleet of nuclear subs may not exactly assuage fears of a rising Chinese military. To the paranoid “China Threat” contingent out there, even the purchase of a PSP by the child of a government official would be seen as evidence of China’s relentless drive for technological superiority in an effort to crush the West. Maybe it’s just me, but a fleet of nuclear subs is even more scary, isn’t it?

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have any problem with China’s nuclear subs. I do think that the money could have been better spent on something else, like health care or education, but aside from that, there’s no reason why China doesn’t have the right to pursue needless military spending.

If you’re going to go in that direction as a country, however, let’s at least own up to the policy objectives at play here. There’s a reason why countries have big parades that include soldiers, tanks, and big-ass rocket launchers (that’s what we expect to see on October 1). Well, two reasons if we’re going to be honest.

The first reason is as a show of force. Gotta show all the other countries out there that you are not a pushover — here are our weapons that we are not afraid to use. Pretty straightforward. The second reason involves male leaders, the fascination with weapons, and testosterone. But let’s avoid this latter motivation for the moment.

So if the reason for these parades is to show off your military capabilities, you’re actually trying to make at least some people out there afraid. Fear is a good thing. If people are afraid, then the weapons are big enough and the chest thumping was convincing.

Again, this all makes perfect sense if you are building yourself up to be a regional power, which China is doing in Asia. I’m sure everyone in the area is quaking in their boots — mission accomplished.

If the goal is intimidation, though, why bother trying to dress up the show of force as something else?

China will unveil its nuclear submarines this week at an international fleet review marking the 60th anniversary of its navy, official media reported yesterday.

The first known public appearance of the craft, off the northern port of Qingdao, will underscore the growing might of the People’s Liberation Army navy and its attempts to build goodwill by increasing transparency.

See, the navy is just doing this to further international peace. Fear and intimidation have nothing to do with it.

I don’t like name calling in general, and it is never a good idea to criticize the military of any nation. In this case, though, I’ll make an exception. These navy guys are wimps.

“Please, please don’t complain about our nuclear subs. We’re good guys, really. Here, take a close look. See? We’re not hiding anything. Really.”

Embarrassing. The military should be ashamed. This would be a more appropriate statement:

“We invite the world to take a close look at our bad ass nuclear subs. Suck on that, Japan. Kiss our asses, Southeast Asia. Say your prayers, pirates.”

Now that’s transparency I can believe in.