More than 1,000 people protested for a second day in central China on Thursday over pollution from a chemical plant that they say has sickened locals and poisoned surrounding farmlands, residents said.

Residents of the town of Zhentou in Hunan province demonstrated outside local government headquarters and a police station, demanding greater compensation for pollution from the Xianhe Chemical Plant, protesters said.

The protesters also said they came out to reject recent government health checks conducted on locals that officials said showed the situation was not serious. [Link]

Usually the information reported from these sorts of protests is sketchy. In this case, however, the international PR firm hired by the factory released the following transcript of a conversation (translated from the original Chinese) between the leader of the protest and the representative of the PR agency, Mr. Nick Naylor.

Nick Naylor: I appreciate your speaking to me. The Xianhe Chemical Plant is an important part of this community, which is why it has spared no expense to ensure that it meets all safety standards enforced by the local government.

Protest Leader: That is completely untrue. We are protesting today because we want everyone to know that this factory spews out death. It is making our residents gravely ill.

Naylor: Sir, let me ask you this. Are you a medical doctor?

Leader: No, I am not.

Naylor: Are you some kind of scientific researcher?

Leader: No.

Naylor: Well, then, you’re hardly a credible expert, are you?

Leader: We’ve come here today representing hundreds of sick people. You can’t just ignore that.

Naylor: We’re not ignoring anything, but you can’t really blame the town’s deepest pocket for the negative results of the residents’ poor health choices.

Leader: What do you mean?

Naylor: Just look around you. Most of the food you eat, the beverages you drink, are chock full of preservatives, bacteria, various carcinogenic chemicals; it’s amazing that anyone makes it to 40 these days.

Leader: Our diets are fine.

Naylor: Really? Would it surprise you to learn that a recent study by the Food Safety Institute of China determined that regular exposure to the kinds of chemicals released by the Xianhe Chemical Plant into the local water supply actually acts as a biological prophylactic, protecting the body against the harmful effects of preservatives, food dyes, and pesticides?

Leader: I, uh, wasn’t aware of that study. What was the name of that institute–

Naylor: You guys should be happy that Xianhe isn’t charging a fee for those chemicals. No, let’s be completely accurate, those medicinal compounds.

Leader: But we can’t even grow crops anymore! Those chemicals have poisoned the soil.

Naylor: Respectfully, sir, I think you are looking at this the wrong way. Let’s assume, just for a minute, that you could grow whatever you wanted on that land. Let’s say that tomorrow you could go out in those fields and plant watermelon. Is that what you really want?

Leader: Of course. We need the income.

Naylor: And you think that those watermelons will be fit for human consumption? You think they will be safe to eat? Would you let your own family eat those watermelons?

Leader: Well, probably not. I have no idea what kind of dangerous chemicals would be in there.

Naylor: That’s right. Growing crops on your land would be tantamount to murder, sir. That’s the last thing you want to be doing.

Leader: I suppose you’re right about that.

Naylor: And so isn’t it a blessing that the land can’t support those crops?

Leader: You make a good point.

Naylor: Yes, sir. And so it’s hardly fair for you to complain that Xianhe is preventing you from doing something that would actually endanger public health, isn’t it?

Leader: Well, maybe we should rethink that part of it.

The protest peacefully disbanded shortly thereafter. A formal apology from the protesters to the Xianhe Chemical Plant and the Zhentou local government is expected early next week.

[The protest and the health situation in Hunan is obviously a very real and serious situation. But it is Friday, the end of a long week, and this is my only source of amusement.]