I can’t say that I’m enjoying the weather these days here in Beijing. It’s been consistently around 40 degrees for several days now. For those of you in North America, I think that’s roughly 165 degrees Fahrenheit.

Back when I was living in LA, which does a drier version of freakin’ hot but carries it on much of the year, the normal conversation when getting to the office, riding an elevator, or waiting in the doctor’s office would be:

Gosh it’s hot today! The forecast said it might hit 165 by the weekend. I just hope I can keep the A/C blasting at full capacity. You know, my electricity bill last month was $800, but what can I do? My husband weighs 420 pounds, and I’m not exactly svelte myself.

Here in Beijing, we don’t talk like that when it’s hot. No, we get right down to business. From my brief glance at the applicable headlines today, it seems that (aside from the obvious) there are two hot temperature-related topics these days:

1. High temperature subsidies. Let’s say that you work in a factory putting together widgets (e.g. iPads in a Foxconn facility). If it gets above a certain temperature when you’re working, or if you are working outside, there are rules governing compensation.

The goal is to avoid occupational heat stroke (?????). Once you get on that topic, of course the next step is to compare your subsidy with the amount given to folks in other cities or provinces; if yours is lower, then you are obliged to complain about it. Here’s the scoop on the numbers for Beijing:

Authorities in the capital said they would double a “high temperature” subsidy for people working outside in the heat, or whose workplaces were hotter than 33 degrees Celsius.

Those who work outside will now get an extra 120 yuan (18 dollars) a month, while people in hot indoor places will be paid 90 yuan.

What a veritable bonanza for those lucky duckies! With that kind of windfall, you can buy a few cups of Starbucks coffee, a carton of cigarettes, or 20% of a hooker (the trick is not getting stuck with the icky 20%).

2. Air conditioning disease. Sad to say, a lot of poor, downtrodden white collar workers suffering at their desks at the Kerry Centre, one of the SOHOs, Guo Mao and other workplaces have no opportunity to risk their lives with occupational heat stroke and, more importantly, collect that subsidy.

To add insult to alleged injury, that air conditioning can be a bitch, which leads us to topic #2: air conditioning disease (???). Pretty lame name, I grant you, but hey, it’s an up-and-coming disease, and not yet officially recognized by the Labor Bureau as an occupational disease worthy of compensation.

I am sympathetic, though. You get on the subway or bus in the morning and have a six-hour commute packed up against sweaty, sticky Beijingers in a vehicle with an ambient temperature of, I don’t know, let’s say 140 degrees Fahrenheit (I think that’s about 33 degrees Celsius, but I’m only guesstimating). Pretty nasty.

Then you finally get to your building, you ride the elevator up, and when the doors open, you’re smacked in the face with a temperature differential of such titanic proportions that the hallway has its own unique weather system, leading your office manager to install a barometer so that staff can be on the lookout for sudden shifts in weather and related atmospheric phenomenon like ball lightning.

That’s bad enough, but if you happen to be the poor slob whose cubicle is strategically placed underneath the A/C vent, you are royally screwed. You are going to suffer with a summer cold for at least three straight months.

The folks upset about air conditioning disease may not keel over and die like the occupational heat stroke victims, but that chilly air is damn uncomfortable. If their employers, or the building management, cannot help them out, then they should at least be compensated for all those doctors visits, cold medicine, and endless cups of hot tea they have to drink. It’s only fair.

Enjoy the weather. I hear that rain is on the way.