Production of traditional bikes declined while production of electric bikes rose last year in China, the chairman of China Bicycle Association (CBA) told Xinhua in Tianjin Friday.

China produced 76.06 million bicycles in 2009, down 13.2 percent from 2008, which was the largest decrease since 1996, while the country produced 23.69 million electric bicycles in 2009, up by 8.2 percent compared with 2008, said Ma Zhongchao, chairman of CBA, at the 10th China Northern International Bicycle Exposition in Tianjin. (China Daily)

With these latest numbers, I think my conspiracy theory can actually get some traction. Here it goes.

The energy companies, in cooperation with the auto industry, have saturated the market with cars. Anyone who can afford a car already has one, or more. The number one growth area is in exports, granted, but the energy folks (coal in particular) are still worried about the future.

So how to squeeze more out of the domestic market? Well, there are still a lot of very unhelpful people who are riding bicycles out there. The energy industry doesn’t like this since these people are not customers (while riding), plus the food industry is not keen on having a large segment of the population getting into outdoor healthy activities. Might make them think about cutting down on the junk food and bringing down those appalling obesity statistics.

So you see the problem. Solution: e-bikes!

These things are perfect. First, they’re sold as environmentally friendly. True, no nasty emissions, at least directly. No one need worry about how all that electricity is generated in the first place. Our friendly-neighborhood coal company will take care of that.

Second, although people might appear to be on “bicycles,” a healthy activity, they are really just sitting on their asses and allowing coal (ultimately) to fuel their ride. Excellent. No need to cut down on that junk food or those ciggies. Being in good shape is not necessary.

Third, and perhaps most insidious, the proliferation of these infernal machines (yes, I said that) not only cuts down on bicycle use but, because e-bikes are clogging the sidewalks and mowing down pedestrians left and right, the incidence of people walking (again, an unhelpfully healthy activity) will also be reduced. Those folks who stop walking will either use cars, buses, the subway or, you know it’s coming, get themselves an e-bike!

So there you have it. At the end of the day, these green machines help out the auto industry, coal industry, oil companies, junk food conglomerates — did I leave anyone out?

I write this as a public service. Not everyone has the ability to connect the dots like this, but I feel an obligation — you could call it a strange compulsion — to do so. No need to thank me.