Warning: this post is long, rambling, quite pointless and chock full of non sequitur nonsense statements from Glenn Beck’s website. Depending on your tastes and amount of available free time, you may either wish to bail out of this post right now or settle in with a nice cup of tea. I’ll give you a second to decide.

OK, thanks for sticking around. First off, thanks to Shanghaiist for cluing me in to the fact that Glenn Beck devoted an entire show to China the other day. I debated whether I should wait for the show transcript before posting, but I figure that a couple of days from now, my flea-like attention span will have moved on. Best to strike now while I still sort of care.

Second, before I get into the Beck drivel, I also wanted to note something I saw on chinaSMACK today that directly relates to how Americans view China. Specifically, the PRC government, using the Hu-Obama DC meeting as a focal point, is trying out yet another ad campaign:

In true Chinese Government style, the communist party is using the “legacy-building” event (and has invested a lot of money) to try and counter America’s negative perceptions of the PRC.

During the week of the Presidential visit, the Chinese State Council Infomation Office will broadcast TV advertisements in the USA that promote a China-friendly message with an underlying theme of ‘Hello world, here we come‘.

China’s image could definitely use a boost in the US, so I’m not averse to the effort here. However, I’m not sure Beijing understands what they’re up against, and not just from the crazies on the left and right of America’s political spectrum. A whole lot of Americans are distrustful of China, and the Sino-frenzy drummed up by the press in recent months must be scaring the crap out of folks who are worried about their jobs.

In my humble opinion, the tagline “Hello world, here we come” sounds like a pronouncement of doom, not a friendly greeting. If you see China as a James Bond style villain bent on world domination, then that line would appropriately be followed by a deep throated maniacal laugh.

Anyway, on to Beck. As I said, he devoted his entire show last Friday to China. His web summary of the show, which is entertaining in its own right, includes the title: “China or America – Which Will Lead the World?” This is quite a mainstream way of framing the issue, which apparently Beck shares with the American press and a number of politicians. It’s all a big zero-sum analysis, or as I recently put it, the “US-China horserace.”

I’m going to cut-and-paste the web summary of Beck’s show below (with my comments) for your entertainment pleasure. In addition to the wacky content, the writing itself is evocative of a sixth-grade book report, which is at the same time charming and a little bit sad, given that the author works for the top US cable news network. Apparently the folks on staff at the Glenn Beck show really do repudiate elitist things like “book learnin’” and literacy and such.

On TV Friday, Glenn did an in depth special on China. You can read the extensive research compiled by the research staff here.

This is so cute. The word “research” is in there twice! I also like the added “extensive” in there, which is the author saying “No, really, we didn’t just pull all this stuff out of our asses. Please believe us!” There’s a great deal of insecurity hiding behind that quick sentence — tells me a lot about these anti-elitist hacks.

By the way, I did take a look at that extensive research. Most of it seems to be statistics copied from the CIA Factbook on China. Sort of reminds me of the kind of lazy-ass bullshit “reports” that we used to write in school when we: 1) were too young to know any better; and 2) before we had the Internet. Remember just copying a section out of the encyclopedia and calling that “research”? Apparently that’s what the crack Glenn Beck staff does on a regular basis.

Glenn put the pieces of the puzzle together on TV. He put together several headlines over the past few weeks, all touting China overtaking the US in a variety of areas. For example, China is overtaking America as an energy consumer, and Glenn believes this will result in America getting lower quality unrefined oil. This lower quality oil is more difficult to refine, and it costs more. This will drive up our energy costs. The Chinese also have better supercomputers, improved military equipment, and supposedly better parents.

This is awesome blather. I like the weird thing on oil quality, which I’m sure can be traced to some real story about a different topic entirely that Beck has misunderstood. Those are the best, the ones with a kernel of truth.

Even better, though, is that reference to “several headlines,” which again is the author (channeling the entire staff no doubt) showing that hey, all of us here actually read stuff, you know. And you know what? They certainly do! From that last sentence, someone has seen stories about the J-20 stealth fighter, the Amy Chua debate, and the (slightly more dated) story about the world’s fastest Tianhe-1A supercomputer.

But what separates the United States from China? A history of innovation and entrepreneurship. But Glenn said that a recent study – which he can’t find – has shown that US children are no longer able to think out of the box like they used to.

All right, you, stop giggling. Yes, it’s embarrassing that the Glenn Beck crew’s study of history reveals that China was not an innovator (no, I’m not going to paste in a cliched list of famous China inventions from the past 5,000 years — you know them already). Let’s throw these guys a bone and stipulate that they’re talking about very recent history. I doubt these guys know anything pre-1980 anyway.¹

What I find most amusing actually is that reference to a study that Glenn can’t find. I first read that line on the Shanghaiist post and thought it was actually Kenneth Tan making a snarky, subtle comment (i.e. Beck is making shit up and then claiming that he can’t locate his ‘data’). Imagine my surprise when I discovered that this was an exact quote from Beck’s web site!

In other words, Beck’s own staffer thought that the inclusion of “which he can’t find” was appropriate and sufficiently covered Beck’s ass on that issue. Apparently the “Fact Check” budget over at Fox News is running a bit lean these days. Obviously whoever put together that “extensive research” couldn’t be bothered to track down an educational study that has recently been in the news.

Glenn has had several people tell him that you can no longer compete against China. The only chance America has is to think out of the box.

It’s hard to argue with logic like that. If “several people” told Glenn Beck something, then shit, we gotta take their anonymous word for it. To not do so would be ignoring iron-clad evidence. I’ve never actually watched the Glenn Beck show, but I have a feeling that “several people tell him” are the words that preface many of the declarative statements made on the program. For example, several people tell Glenn that gold is a tremendous investment, or several people tell Glenn that they should buy survival gear and live in the mountains until the apocalypse arrives. Sounds very authoritative.

Glenn invited Jim Rogers, a global investor and self-made millionaire,  and Glenn’s friend and economist David Buckner onto the show to tackle the issue.

Whatever respect I had for Jim Rogers has taken a serious hit from this appearance. Also, “Self-made millionaire”? I don’t think I’ve seen that term for thirty years. Makes me wonder how old the author of that web summary is.

Ever the pragmatist, Beck asked his guests to make the whole China issue concrete, bringing it down to the level of Joe Six-pack:

What can average Americans do? According to Rogers, you have to educate your children on a more rigorous basis. Rogers told how his daughter had homework in second grade that was much more difficult than anything he had seen in America at the same level. Buckner said Americans have to innovate and create business. Buckner felt that America will not return to a nation of manufacturers, so the economy has to be spurred on by entrepreneurship.

I sure hope there was more to that discussion than educate your children, innovate, and create business. Damn geniuses, if you ask me. Talk about thinking outside the box!

And finally, the patriotic call to wind things up:

Both men had a lot of faith in the future of the country. Rogers said that as a nation of immigrants, we have some of the best and brightest coming to America and contributing to our country. However, you have to cut spending and adjust the tax code or else new businesses will not flourish in America. Buckner believes that businesses need to be allowed to fail because failure leads to innovation and problem solving. Both agreed that more government interference only stifles American ingenuity.

A rather flat bit of right-wing rhetoric. Kind of disappointing. I expected more than the usual generic anti-government screed, but it is Fox News after all. Gotta pay the bills.

So to sum things up:

1. China is currently the most significant competitor to the US.

2. The reason why the US is losing ground to the Chinese is that the US government is too heavy handed in the private sector.

3. China’s government also interferes in its economy, but for them it is a strength.

4. But the US will succeed in the future by eliminating government interference in the economy, allowing companies to be creative and flourish.

If you totally buy into that “logic,” then maybe going to Glenn Beck for your China news and analysis makes sense.

So what lessons have we learned? {silence . . . crickets chirping} Anyone?
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1. That’s the year St. Reagan was elected, naturally.[↩]

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